Role play Group : The Death Club 

The Dixie Diaries. 

You’re my Best Friend. 

The reunion of the two old school friends from St Kilda Primary, all the way to Prague College, was something just shy of a miracle. Dixie was trying to make a new start, in what was both a joyous and dark time in her life. You could say she was very much conflicted, about how people had behaved after the bombing, but she knew that at some point, she had to make herself happy. Both for her and her own piece of mind, as well as for the well being of her unborn child. Seeing Betty Cravis again, brought back a flood of memories, from her younger years. Before the nightmare of the car crash at the end of her school life, which claimed five of her friends. Betty’s family had moved out of St Kilda, and headed up to the Dandenongs, which was good three hour drive from where she lived. Sadly, this distance made it hard to keep in touch, so when Dixie finished school, she had no idea what had become of her best friend. 

Back in their junior school years, they were as thick as thieves, and twice as bad. Always up at the office to see the vice Principle for the daring things they got up to. Practical jokes on teachers were a classic double act, and detention was always on the cards. For the pair, this just meant spending more time together, and often spent the hour after school, laughing as they banged erasers, or wrote out lines, of why they should not fill Mrs Mason’s desk with tampons. 

Betty Cravis. Where do we start with her? A daughter of British migrants, she had the most unique accent, that always had Dixie in stitches. Dixie’s pet name for her was “Toffee”, because she always spoke like she had one in her mouth, rolling around on her tongue. Trying to get Betty to understand Aussie slang, always got the pair into hysterics, and in order to keep quiet in class, they were famed at the art of note passing. Often getting sour looks from the class elite, Dixie and Betty found new ways of expressing themselves silently, or resorting to spit bombs, which was the last thing you ever wanted in the back of your hair. 

The day that Betty’s parents decided to move, was a sad day for the pair. Dixie recalled sitting on Betty’s front porch, as the furniture van was filling up with boxes and their antique furnishings that they had brought from the UK. Betty came out, with her parents, as they got the last of the suitcases into the boot of the BMW, and this was when Betty pulled out a friendship locket. She had bought it at the local arcade jeweler, the week before and saved it to this day, for they knew it would be a long time before they saw each other again. Taking the heart apart, they each made a pact, that they would see each other on the holidays, and placed their necklaces around their necks. The final hug, was the best and the worst. Dixie and Betty both cried, knowing how hard it would be, to face school days without the other. Betty had to be bundled into her parent’s car, screaming out as she was dragged. “I LOVE YOU, DIXIE CHIX!”- Dixie chased the car as it left the drive way, waving with both her arms up, while Betty had her hands pressed to the back window. Betty’s final memory was seeing Dixie being approached from behind, by a boy that had often followed them around after school. His name was Travis. Dixie remembered turning around, and finding solace in his arms. This would be the start of her relationship with Travis that would last for only two years, and end in the car crash that destroyed many lives. 

Arm in arm, as Betty and Dixie walked along the pathway of the Prague College main building, Betty had to ask. “Do you still wear it?” Course, she spoke of the necklace, and Dixie reached inside her t’shirt collar and fished out a broken heart piece, which matched perfectly with the one that Betty still wore. “I swear it made my skin go a funny colour.”- Betty joked, squeezing her arm tighter around her childhood friend. Glancing up at her with a cheeky grin, she smirked and gave a wink. “You know we are going to have to paint Prague red now, don’t you?” It was like time itself, had its clock spinning backwards, the hands rotating like a whir. The two girls in their hearts, the same as they were back when they were just fifteen. Dixie rolled her eyes, and had to laugh at the very idea of getting into mischief with Betty. “Oh, I think we could paint it more than red. To be honest, if we got up to shit, it would be more colourful than the friggin’ Gay and Leso Mardi gras in King’s cross.” Never a truer word was spoken by Dix, who had Betty in hysterics. But then she noticed the time on her Gucci watch and let out a loud “Fuck! I’m so going to be late for my first class.”- Taking out her cell, she scrolled through, whilst dropping her bag on the ground. “Number..quick. So I don’t have to spend the next five years looking for you.” Dixie quickly rattled off her cell number, before realizing she was heading the wrong way from her first class. Dixie adjusted her bag straps on her shoulders, since they were really starting to pull. “I gotta get going. Shit, I think I am already late.” Betty chimed, as she gave Dixie one last hug, and it was enough to wind her. Pulling back and snatching up her bag of supplies, Betty started a mad run for class, her brightly coloured skirts rising and falling, boots clattering along the stone path. But as she got further away, and Dixie turned around to head for her class, a wild voice cried out from across the front lawn. 

“I LOVE YOU, DIXIE CHIX!” 

Reaching the doorway to the arts department, Dixie got a shock to see Nikolas, one of the barmen from the Death club, and Maggie’s beau, standing near the entrance to the hall . Dixie snuck up beside him and punched his arm hard. “G’day Cheddar. I didn’t know you were arty.” She joked, full of humour to see him, after catching up with Betty. Nikolas was just as shocked and surprised to see Dixie, especially at the College. Taking his hands out of his pockets, he wrapped his arms around Dixie and gave her a big bear hug, something he was famous for. Nikolas smiled down at Dixie and then gave her belly a poke through her jacket. “I can feel a baby bump.” He joked, sticking out his tongue at her and laughing, as she poked his chest hard. “And you should not be poking preggo gals!” Dixie drew back and then asked. “So what are you here for? I thought you were doing modelling. “ Naturally the penny hadn’t dropped yet for Dixie. The truth was, Nikolas was there to model, for her art class. “Oh…I am on an assignment. They need a nude model for today’s morning class of newbies.” Dixie finally felt her face go bright red, and she wrinkled up her nose. “No…..no..not first class. Not….you?” On this question, the art teacher, Mrs Barone’ came out and snaffled Nikolas’s arm, before nodding to Dixie. “Students are to go set up for the sketching class. Come Nikolas, time to disrobe.” Dixie suddenly face palmed and trudged into the building. The last thing she wanted to see was Nikolas nude. 

Entering the room, many of the other students, had taken up their places behind easels, getting out their supplies, while Nikolas went behind a screen to get changed into his robe. Sitting down on her stool, she took out her pencils and charcoal, setting it out, as the art teacher clapped her hands to gain everyone’s attention. 

“Welcome class, to our first lesson, and today we have a very special guest, who will be our subject for this day.” Dixie was secretly wishing it was a bowl of fruit or maybe a vase of flowers instead, but as Mrs Barone’ did the intro, Dixie hid behind her easel, not wanting to see what she knew, was famous in the Death Club. He was not called “Nik the Dick” For nothing. Nikolas strutted out like a peacock and bowed, then got up on the podium and turned around, dropping the robe and showing off his tightly clenched butt cheeks. You could hear a few whistles and even someone clapped, as Dixie wanted to bury her head between her legs. She instead peaked out from behind the easel and got a sight of his ass, and then thought, that was not so bad….until, he turned around and did a pose like David. At that point, half the class must have fainted, cause you couldn’t hear a pin drop, or even a cough. Mrs Barone’ clapped her hands and said simply. “Begin.” 

Dixie had trouble picking up her pencil and dropped it on the ground with a slight clatter, as the rest of the class started to sketch the very well hung Nikolas. Mrs Barone’ crept up and tapped Dixie on the shoulder, causing her to drop the pencil again. “Are you alright, Miss…Chix is it?” Dixie mumbled under her breath and did another quick bend and snatch move, much like the movie; Legally Blonde. Noting Dixie’s burning red cheeks, Mrs Barone’ asked. “You have seen a naked man before, yes?” To which Dixie replied. “A naked man…yes…a naked co worker…errr no.” A few of the other students giggled, while Nikolas winked and Dixie shrank behind her easel, and started to sketch, wishing in her mind, he was really a bowl of fruit. <3>

Some very naughty Dr Seuss like pick up lines.

I love Game of Thrones….but man, with these voices it’s even better!

but…then they had to make a Spiderman version!

Bahahahha!

“Grease”

They think our love is just a growin’ pain
Why don’t they understand? it’s just a cryin’ shame
Their lips are lyin’, only real is real
We stop the fight right now, we got to be what we feel – grease is the word

[Chorus:]
(grease is the word, is the word that you heard)
It’s got a groove, it’s got a meaning
Grease is the time, is the place, is the motion
Grease is the way we are feeling

We take the pressure, and we throw away conventionality, belongs to yesterday
There is a chance that we can make it so far
We start believin’ now that we can be who we are – grease is the word

[Chorus]

We take the pressure, and we throw away conventionality, belongs to yesterday
There is a chance that we can make it so far
We start believin’ now that we can be who we are – grease is the word

(grease is the word, is the word that you heard)
It’s got a groove, it’s got a meaning
Grease is the time, is the place, is the motion
Grease is the way we are feeling

(grease is the word, is the word that you heard)
It’s got a groove, it’s got a meaning
Grease is the time, is the place, is the motion
Grease is the way we are feeling

 

Every now and again you witness an event that truly touches your heart.  These two lads are beyond a doubt the future of rap.  Bars and Meldoy simply blew the lid off the Britain’s got Talent auditorium, with a rap and lyrics they wrote themselves about anti bullying.  If you are waking up to this, it will make you smile for the rest of your day.  <3 Enjoy.

Well its Saturday finally, and while I haven’t got any new stories up ready to post, so I thought I would share some rather fun gifs for your amusement.

The “DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME” collection.

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<3

Snow – The Tales of Laguna and Charlotte. (Chapter Six.)

Writers : CharlotteCarrendar & LagunaEverae.

CharlotteCarrendar

March 22, 2012 01:32PM

-The moon shone through silver clouds, that floated effortlessly across a blackened sky, the halo created by the sun’s reflection on the moon, allowed enough light to filter down, basking all in its glow. The soft sounds of snoring came from high above in the tree itself, mixing in with that of the other woodland creatures, the overall effect, a symphony of sounds. The odd leaf would find its way through the break in Charlotte’s web, and flitter down to fall upon Laguna, just as he were to take the half eaten carcass to be disposed of. The spider maiden had commented before, that she never dreams. Perhaps she meant this for she simply did not get enough sleep. This night however, a belly full of the blood of the doe, the bedding so high up in the oak, had her swaying gently, rocking her to sleep with ease, that she did dream. A battle ground, thousands of men all wearing Nemauen uniforms, fighting against…against…Ariko. Charlotte tossed her body to the right as more leaves would fall from her makeshift bedding. An eye peering out of the red glow….a mutilated body walking towards her, only to crackle, break and collapse in on itself. The scene would fade to black, before another scene took its place. A field of flowers, stretching out for miles. Charlotte standing on a small hill, wearing a simple cotton dress, that barely touched her knee. Her hand touching the flower buds, that bowed and swayed to the uplifting breeze. Her name was called, distinctly male, and she smiled, turning her head to look back over her shoulder. Then there was the whistling sound….of a bullet….Charlotte sat up in her webbing, eyes open…a look of terror on her face, but still asleep. Asleep with eyes wide open.

LagunaEverae

March 23, 2012 06:29AM

- Laguna made his way down a small embankment, the moisture in the air guiding him towards a nearby lake reserve where he would be able to discard of the carcass properly. He intended to cut it into strips; scattering them so that others creatures of the night may also feast. In his eyes, the doe was a gift and none of it was going to go to waste. It was quite ironic however that he didn’t have any of the meat himself, and even more ironic that he never intended to, it was just a play on words to get Charlotte to eat. It mattered not now, she was slumbering soundly. Or at least he believed she was. He kept an ear to her as he strode down the slope, a fairly slow pace as he was in no rush to sleep and the carcass was hardly heavy to one such as him. He continued. Then stopped, dead in his tricks, his brow a little furrowed, thinking. His thoughts were his own, but he clearly identified a tension with her, in the air, the aura around her. He had no idea what it was, for Laguna did not have the ability to see into the thoughts and dreams of others. Or at least, he didn’t know that he did. This feeling passed however and he made it to a nearby stream, excellent for masking the smell so that it was not overpowering to all creatures. He cut the carcass finely into strips within a minute or so, dousing every part in water to cloud the smell. He didn’t want half the forest coming to where they slept. He threw every part in different direction. This was not a question of mere feet, Laguna had quite the throw on him, and making sure it was far enough a distance. Upon finishing, he placed the bones in the river, for it would find a further use there. And with that he made his way back, with every step feeling Charlotte and her nightmare. Upon reaching the bottom of the tree, he peered up to her, leaping into the tree with such a precision and grace that not a sound was produced from him doing so. He looked down at her face. She was clearly having a bad episode. “Funny” he thought to himself. “I thought she didn’t dream….” He was not about to disturb the innermost thoughts of another however, he regarded that part of creatures sacred and to invade such a thing would be wrong in his own mind. He moved to leap down to his resting spot, delayed by the opening of her eyes. He narrowed his vision, closing his eyes as if concentrating as he looked into them…further….further….He bolted upright with shock. The hues of her eyes told the story, as if on the reverse of a camera lens, backwards and transparent. Was it that he could see it, or was it that she was doing this magic herself? He didn’t want to find out. He cast his glance away from hers, leaping down and sitting himself on the ground, propped up against the tree branch. He folded his arms and closed his eyes; one thought running through his head…”Who is Ariko…?” -

CharlotteCarrendar

March 23, 2012 07:56AM

-Eyes are the windows of our soul, they reflect all we see, and to stare into them, you can often find yourself, drawn into them. Some are lovers, some are friends, others are strangers. All gazing into the eyes of the bebilith could see, the tale being played, a dream, a dream she normally did not have. Was it a premonitions  Was it a look at her end? Her eyes remained open, but her mind was trapped in the dream. Her webbing bed quivered beneath her, as she herself trembled. No sounds escaped her lips, no cry out in shock, or pain. Soon her eyelids fell, and her body simply slipped back into her webbing hammock, as the dream was at its end. She would wake of course, but not yet. The worst was over, and one can only imagine what was waiting for her after the whistling of the bullet.An hour or two would pass, the moon crossing the inky black sky, precious clouds hiding many a star, and soon the eyes of the bebilith, brilliance in jade, flashed open, and with her night vision, she was now able to see all around her quite clearly. Stretching and making a light hissing sound, she rose from her bedding and clamoured down the tree. (Charlotte)”Wakey Wakey.” -she said, and it seemed the spider maiden, did not remember the dream.

CharlotteCarrendar

March 26, 2012 12:39AM

LagunaEverae: – He bored into the wood, chopping away at a suitable level, neither breaking into a stride nor a sweat, this was an enjoyable pace. Amongst the crisp sounds of the blade etching into the wood with a crack and tear, he heard the dainty footsteps of the other from his other ear. Just a light scratching of underfoot, the sound of crushed grass and the like. He came to a stop, launching the blade over his head to hold it at right angles as his muscular body contorted and bulged with the simplest of movements. He wiped his brow with his still gloved hand and politely smiled, nodding his head before returning to the task at hand. A few more strikes and the small to medium sized tree would collapse. As Charlotte was long gone from the area by the time it fell, the clichéd call of “Timber” was deemed unnecessary. Partly also contributing to the fact was that Laguna would catch the falling log and merely place it on the ground, once again taking his blade to it, albeit this time they were short sharp strikes to break the wood into little pieces for firewood. An effortless task for him, by the time the other had returned he would have everything that was needed and was almost finished building a small nest of wood for the flame to burn upon. The blade came crashing down into the last piece of wood, Laguna opting to leave it there as he stood to his full, magnificent height to greet the other. “ Good morning” was the simple and genuine greeting that trilled from his lips as he dried his shoulders and neck with his clothes before putting them back on once more. “I thought you might like a spot of food, anything in particular?” he asked as his mind raced to himself, the thoughts of processing. “Squirrels.Three.47 meters to the west. Wild Boar. Trickier. 54 meters, using trees for cover. Deer. Moved on. Too far. Fish. Stream. Personal choice. Listen” -

CharlotteCarrendar

March 26, 2012 07:19AM

-Charlotte stretched, raising her shoulders and let out a yawn, returning from the creek, where she had washed her face and gotten a drink. Laguna offered her a good morning, along with making preparations for what would be a camp fire in order to cook her breakfast. “I thought you might like a spot of food, anything in particular?” Laguna asked, having dressed himself once more, no longer bare chested as he was cutting wood. Charlotte tilted her head, thinking for just a moment, not really sure what was on offer this far out from Lorewall. Not exactly near Subways. “Well, I truly don’t mind, I mean, you know the woods here better than I. And, I am not entirely sure what is native to this part of the world. She reached up with her right hand, scratching her cheek, and you could see she was having a hard time coming up with an answer. “I…happened to see some fish in the creek where I just took a drink. Maybe that would make a nice breakfast.” she offered.

LagunaEverae

March 27, 2012 12:38AM

-He watched and assessed her body language, her tone; her hesitance at certain foods to help him in helping her decide in what is was she was to have for breakfast. From her reply, she did not seem particularly fussed on anything. Indifferent. This was not good enough, he wanted a different type of reaction altogether. One of enthusiasm, of will. The scratching of her cheek. Indecision. Confusion, even. The tapping of her single digit on her lips as she tried to satisfy him with an answer that would never come. He decided to help, it was clear that food and the forest was not something that she was accustomed to. Just as he did begin to speak, she offered a small piece (Charlotte) “I….happened to see some fish in the creek….” Was the beginning, to which he smiled and replied? “They are particularly bony and small in this area. Hardly a meal unless pushed” His mind was busy processing options and opportunities, till one instantly became apparent to him. “What about pheasant?” He asked, his orbs flickering and shifting from side to side to see the reaction in her eyes. “There is a nice sized one behind me, some 25 meters. Female. Plenty of meat to be had” -

CharlotteCarrendar

March 27, 2012 12:49AM

CharlotteCarrendar:- “Pheasant?….they have those here?….I thought they died out. Must have thought of something else. But if they are meaty, then that would be lovely.”- Charlotte answered, a nod and she was sure now of what she wanted. “Are they fast birds?…Not really familiar with them. Vultures on the other hand, Oh I have seen those, filthy things, opportunists. Have to hang around for something to up and die, not go in attacking whilst its still kicking.” So, she was rabbiting on, the toe of her left boot twisting in the dirt as she explained her take on the local wildlife. But then she had to ask, a question, one that had been dogging her from since the time they met. “How is it you know exact distances of the things you hunt, or hunt you?”

 LagunaEverae

March 27, 2012 04:44AM

LagunaEverae- “Indeed” he said in response to her query, noting the genuine thirst for knowledge that appeared to emanate from around her. Indeed, to Laguna, her brain activity was above normal at this time, another ‘gift’ he was able to see, as it were. “They are moderately common, choosing to forage around the dawn, where they are at the lowest risk of being hunted. Those in question are a 4 I believe, two mated pairs” he added, using his hands to usher his words along. “They can be quite fast I suppose. Maximum ground speed of 22 mph and a flying speed of probably more. Nothing that is not obtainable to me” he said matter of factly. Most of these questions would fly off his tongue with ease, the answers seemingly pre-empted in his head ready for use. Except for the last one, this was always a little more detailed in depth. “It is not that I do not have the ability to answer your question.” he quipped, as he rubbed his gloved hand along the bottom of his chiselled jaw. “But to me, the real question is ‘How do others NOT know…” his hand now extended out to nominate Charlotte as the ‘other’ in this analogy. “ I believe I process things in much the same way as others do. Yet due to the nature of others seemingly not having this ability, it must be the result of us pol….” He stopped himself before correcting rather nervously “of a species like trait”. “I move at normal pace for instance, yet to others it is deemed fast. A series of small gestures. Yet it seems I move too fast for your eyes to see….” He tailed off, thinking upon his own statement to himself for a moment- “It is a mix of lots of things. The wind, the temperature, the disturbance in the atmosphere. Sounds. Sound assists me a lot” he finished, seemingly hinting that his own sense of feel and hearing were in the same category as the former statement -

CharlotteCarrendar

 

March 27, 2012 10:07AM

CharlotteCarrendar:- “22mph…gosh. Quick little buggers.” -Charlotte clearly impressed with the speed of a pheaseant. “And four, all out for a morning stroll, foraging for food, just like us.”- she smiled, and dug her hands in her pockets, swaying back and forth, heel to toe and back again. Laguna seemed to know a great deal about pheasant, so much so, that she was getting quite the lesson, her feral barrage of questions being answered with considerable ease. “Uh huh….uh huh….Oh…didn’t know that…uh huh.”-she answered, a bright smile forming upon crimson stained lips. Her final question however, did bring something of a jagged response, and she actually stopped fidgeting, this now becoming more than interesting, for it was akin to unmasking a great hero. He started off well, naturally, his hand rubbing his chin, and explaining that it was not that he didn’t have the ability to answer her question, but the fact he seemed gob smacked that she didn’t know. Charlotte was of reasonable intelligence, though her chosen field was something far removed from the likes of the forest. “ I believe I process things in much the same way as others do. Yet due to the nature of others seemingly not having this ability, it must be the result of us pol…*he did pause at this point, Charlotte’s face looked as though she anticipated what the word pol would finish to be, but was let down when he managed to save himself, correcting his course of action. “of a species like trait” -he finished. “Rigggght.” – Nope, that didn’t convince her, and she slipped her hands out of her pockets and folded her arms. Laguna went on to explain, that though he moved at normal pace, he could actually move much faster, But to conclude, he said simply, “It is a mix of a lot of things” Charlotte unfolded her arms and sighed softly. How come he wouldn’t truly open up to her. Was she that untrustworthy due to her heritage? Nah, it wasn’t that. Charlotte had not shown off her true self as yet, so it was fitting, that Laguna would only speak of his world in passing.

When a story takes on a life of its own, and the characters act out as they were created to do…things happen, that are both poignant and remarkable. You as a writer end up being a spectator it seems, and watch history occur right before your eyes.

Regardless of how you feel about another writer, and their characters – you play the game you start and the events are sometimes out of your control, once a play is made. To accept what has happened, and post the reaction from the character’s point of view, while you the writer are upset by what happened is one of the greatest challenges for a role player.

This is what happened last night. A character lost…but the story, though truly sad…..won.

Jane Harrison

Name: Jane Harrison
FC: Kate Hudson
Age: 22
Sex: Female
Race: Human Mutant.
Birthday: April 4th

Occupation: – Owner of Jane’s Flowers and gifts. Horticulturalist.

Hair Color: Blonde
Eye Color: Brown
Height: 168cm
Weight: 57kgs
Fashion Style: Colourful, soft fabrics, dresses, tank tops, summery clothing
Tattoos/Piercings/Markings: Butterfly on her shoulder blade

Personality: Bubbly, outgoing, eager, friendly, trusting, caring, ditsy, crazy, fun

Magical Abilities: Can control plant life
Strengths: Ability to make friends easy, can control plants and trees

The power to control plant-life. Variation of Organic Manipulation.
Also Called
; Arborkinesis
; Agrokinesis
; Botanokinesis
; Chlorokinesis
; Phytokinesis
; Phyllokinesis
; Phytogenesis
; Plantbending
; Plantlife Manipulation

Users can create, shape and manipulate plants, including wood, vines, plants, moss, and parts of the plants, such as leaves, seeds, fruits and flowers. The user can cause plants to grow, move/attack or even rise from the soil and “walk”, mutate plants by rearranging DNA structure and revive withered or dead plants.
They can use their power for defense and support by growing plants from the ground and make them sprout seeds/fruits/berries, or even to possibly use plant chemicals to heal people or objects or manipulate their properties for a wide range of effects.
Though less commonly activated by passive users, the ability may deal a series of offensive techniques on a target. Using the plants as weapons enables users to grasp and strike continuously with vines and roots, project thorns at a distance, and quickly regenerate the withering weapons at the user’s will. They can make vines grow and climb around a target’s neck, causing choking, or even strike with plants. A more subtle technique is to release damaging toxins and pheromones, affecting targets in which conditions should be treated quickly with ailments.
User may also control plants in their altered forms, i.e. concentrated forms, such as cotton clothing/fabric, paper, etc.

Weaknesses: falling in love easily, being too trusting
Likes: Everyone, having a good time, plants, flowers, trees nature, food and funny named cocktails.

Dislikes: Mean people

Jane’s wheels: Her Parent’s hippie combi van.

History: Jane Harrison, a native to Seattle, was the only daughter of botanist Bill Harrison and his wife Greta. Both hippies and into horticulture; from a young age Jane had an affinity with plant life that could not be explained. On leaving college she started her own little flower shop in Seattle, and is a favourite for wedding planners with her stunning array of arrangements that just “grow” on you. Being swept off her feet by Mikala, a savvy business woman who flew her to Hawaii for a beach wedding, young Jane had no idea she was being conned out of her life savings. Left behind broke and in shock, Jane then met the handsome Doctor Jason Lumbard, who with their friend Pandora, helped her on the path to happiness. Jane and Jason are now a couple and are on route back to Seattle to get back Jane’s money from the thieving Mikala, and start a new life together.

Maxell has a rude awakening…and Felicity lets the cat out of the bag.  Welcome to Lipstick Lies!

LadyBelz

Re: (RP) Seattle Substance Abuse & Treatment Facility

June 20, 2014 09:28AM

Patient Holding

Oh he was going to be a challenge for sure. Ernie cheerfully grinned as Max began to rant.

“I beg to differ.” Max snapped back, still shaking off the effects of the sedative he was given. “This isn’t exactly the Hilton, so I would have to say no, to answer your question. I had a terrible night and feel as though I have been hit by a lorry. That is a truck, since you probably don’t understand the Queen’s English.”

At that, Ernie let out a deep rumbling laugh that was odd for a man his size. He straightened to his full height, put one hand to his chest and the other in the air as if he were about to give a speech. “My dear boy. I do know what a lorry is. You cheeky little blighter.” Ernie stated in a snobbish, British accent. It was pretty good for a black man like him.

Max noticed the clothes sitting in the chair and his nose went up in the air again. Ernie was beginning to think this man was born with his nose stuck in that position. Of course Max then had to complain about the clothes.

“Well there’s no need to be insulting. None of your own clothing was brought in with you last night, except what you had on and despite what you think, Scotch, we do not ask the residents here to wear these all the time. This is just until we can get some of your own clothing brought in for you.” Ernie took up the clothes before grabbing Max by the arm. It wasn’t often Ernie got angry, but this man had pretty much just insulted the entire facility and he wasn’t going to take that kindly, no matter what Max’s problem was.

He hauled the man to his feet and shoved the clothes into his arms. “Shower, I think. Then you need some food.” Still holding Max by the arm, Ernie began to lead (more like drag) Max off to an area where he could shower. He didn’t know the thoughts running through Max’s head, the poor man thinking it was some type of communal shower.

Max began to babble next to him and Ernie could practically taste the denial in the man’s tone. He definitely needed help.

“I don’t belong here. See, my sister made a terrible mistake. I’m perfectly fine. Not like the rest of these loonies. Look, I have this trust fund at the National bank. I’ll pay you ten thousand, if you get me out of here.”

Ernie snorted. It wasn’t the first time someone tried to bribe him and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. “Sorry, Scotch. Bribery don’t work on me.”

They reached the room where the shower was located. Ernie opened the door to make sure it wasn’t occupied. He pulled out some towels, soap (Irish Spring) and shampoo (Head and Shoulders) from the supply closet next to the bathroom and set them on the bench inside the shower.

“In you go, Scotch. I’ll give you 30 minutes to yourself before I come busting in so make them count.” Ernie grinned, his friendly nature shining through once more.

Ernie turned on his heel and left the room, closing the door behind him. He moved across the hall to the small desk facing the bathroom and sat down to wait, making some notes in Max’s file about his behavior that morning and his own personal observations. Ansel would definitely be interested in Ernie’s findings.

Denise wandered by and stopped at the desk, reading Ernie’s writing over his shoulder. She saw the words “firmly in denial” and shook her head.

“He’s going to be a tough nut to crack.” she murmured.

“Mhm.” Ernie grunted.

“Uh oh. A grunt and a one-word sentence from you. What did he say?”

“First he insulted the facility’s clothes, then he called the patients ‘loony’ then he tried to bribe me.”

“Oooo that’s bad.” Denise groaned. “Well, if it makes you feel better, his sister sent over some of his things earlier this morning. They’re up in his room.”

“I’ll tell him after he’s had breakfast. Man could use a dash of humility.” Denise patted him on the shoulder and continued off down the hall.

CharlotteCarrendar

844

Re: (RP) Seattle Substance Abuse & Treatment Facility

June 20, 2014 04:02PM

Patient Holding

Bribery had always worked in the past, when Maxwell had tried to get out of a situation. In this case however, his pleas to be heard by the towering Ernie fell flat, as well as his grand offer of $10,000 to help secure his freedom out of the institution. With rather heavy handed tactics that earnt a weasel like squeal of resistance from Maxwell, the art curator was forced into a special bathroom, that for the best part was for one person, not ten. Still looking like he swallowed something nasty, he shook Ernie’s hand off indignantly as he was released in the small ensuite.

“In you go, Scotch. I’ll give you 30 minutes to yourself before I come busting in so make them count.” 

Again with the nickname, instead of his real name. It was like Ernie enjoyed mocking Maxwell at every turn. The snotty art dealer replied.

“Well, since you people took my rolex, its a bit bloody hard to gauge thirty minutes. What am I supposed to do? Times my freckles by my moles and work out the time that way? Hmm? Hmm?”

Course, the door was closed on him and you could hear the turning of a lock. This left Maxwell standing there alone. He wrung his hands together as he knew he was now on this man’s clock. Last thing he wanted was to have the ogre muscle his way in when he was in a state of undress. He slowly took in his surrounds. He could not ever remember being in a place like this. With tiny soaps in packets that were hard to open, and wee little shampoo bottles. Just enough to get the job done.

Maxwell was never usually up this early. He was either sleeping off a hard night on the booze, or having Lucy trying to fill him with enough coffee to bring him around to a near state of normal. Not that he could even remember what normal was. The sobering feeling he had at the moment was one of confusion and fear. There was no control in this situation. His rights having been signed away by his interfering sister to the SSA. What was she doing now? He wondered. Selling off his assets? Putting the Gallery up for sale to pay for his treatment? Horrid thoughts plagued his mind, as he slowly took off the pyjamas and turned on the faucet in the shower cubicle. Maxwell caught a side glimpse of himself in the vanity mirror. He looked….old. Ragged. Tired. He’d never seen himself like this before. Like a bad mug shot that you see on those entertainment tonight shows. Had he truly fallen this far?

Remembering that Ernie was going to bust in after thirty minutes, Maxwell suddenly got a move on and stepped into the shower. The hot streams of water truly waking him up, and he set about washing his hair, then his body till he was thoroughly clean. He turned off the faucets and stepped out onto the mat, drying himself down quickly, before hanging up the wet towel and then staring at the offered pile of clothes. They were like something out of a bland Richard Simmons cardiac video. He held them up and wondered why the colours had been washed out of them. He much rather wear a suit, that some old sweat pants and top. Sighing reluctantly, he put the clothing on. It was ill fitting, and actually made him look like he had shrunk.

Maxwell then sat down on the small chair provided inside, and waited. The grim realization hitting him. He was at the mercy of the man outside. Maxwell glanced up at the small window and saw the bars on it. There was no escape. How depressing. It just couldn’t get any worse, could it?

<3>

Meanwhile…Felicity is making a few calls.

CharlotteCarrendar

844

Re: (RP) Elias’s Studio

June 20, 2014 09:10PM

The Roadside Diner – From Elias’s Studio

On entering the diner, Lucy suddenly felt her cell phone vibrate in her pocket. It was getting late, and she was not expecting any calls at this hour. Excusing herself from Roi and Elias, she took the phone out and faced away from the pair, in case it was a matter to do with the gallery. After Thomas’s sudden exit from his position and the day she had had, Lucy couldn’t possibly handle any more bad news. Or so….she thought.

Phone call from Felicity Hines to Lucy Bardwell…

-dials number-

“Lucy, this is Felicity Hines, Max’s sister. Listen…um…Max is going to be out of commission for a while and since you’re doing such a great job with the gallery, I’m promoting you to executive officer in his stead. Now, don’t get mad or look at your phone oddly. I’ve had to get power-of-attorney over Max’s affairs and business dealings until I know he can handle his responsibilities. I didn’t want to get into this over the phone, but…I have had Max committed to a treatment facility for alcohol abuse. Surely you’ve seen the way he’s been drinking nearly 24/7 and disregarding everything to do with the gallery? You practically run the place anyway. But it’s not healthy for him and I don’t want to see him drink himself into an early grave so I took the steps necessary to get him the help he needs. My parents would never forgive me if I didn’t help him. He’s at the Seattle Substance Abuse & Treatment Facility under the care of Doctor Ansel Monroe, but Dr Monroe recommends no visitors until after the first 2 weeks, but if you wanted to visit him after, I can give you Doctor Monroe’s number. This is the best thing for Max, and I hope like hell he forgives me for it.”

As the call ended, Lucy stood there looking completely dumbfounded. Maxwell was in rehab?! The very shock of hearing this from his sister fueled the idea that this was no hoax, but a very real scenario. Lucy knew he had been in bad shape, hell she nurse maided him for months till even she could no longer get through to him. Of course, Muriel kept tight reigns on Max during that time, so any help was often blocked.

Lucy’s hand came up to cover her mouth as she absorbed every word. She had been promoted in her position, but in hindsight she was already fulfilling that role, just had never had it made official, till now. So here she was, running the whole show and now she was going to have to look at Roisin for help. Her hand lowered as she started to feel physically sick from the whole thing. Lucy somehow managed to find a seat in the booth, and then stared at her phone, knowing it was right and the polite thing to send a message back. Sadly, she put on her most professional voice and returned a message to Felicity.

Phone call to Felicity Hines from Lucy Bardwell

-dials number-

Just got your message, Miss Hines and I do appreciate being told this at what must be a very difficult time for you and your family. Naturally I graciously accept the promotion with the current state of the gallery which is in dire need of good management. I will make sure to go and see Maxwell as soon as his doctor’s allow, and will endeavor to ensure the Gallery runs efficiently in his absence. Again, I am grateful to be in your confidence.

Lucy ended the call and slowly slipped it back into her pocket. Her facial expression said it all. Disappointment in her boss.

<3>

LadyBelz

Re: (RP) Social Media

June 20, 2014 09:18PM

Voice message from Felicity to Muriel

“Muriel, it’s Felicity. I know I’m probably one of the last people you ever want to hear from, but this concerns my brother. I have had him committed to the Seattle Substance Abuse & Treatment Facility last night and am taking over all of his affairs until he completes treatment for his addiction to alcohol. He was drinking himself to death, Muriel. I couldn’t watch him waste away like that. My parents would never forgive me. He is in the care of Doctor Ansel Monroe and I trust this man to help my brother. Max can have visitors in about 2 weeks if you’d like to see him. Just call the facility and ask for Doctor Monroe or his assistant, Denise. Max needs help, and this is the only way I can get that to him. Hope to talk to you soon. Bye.”

CharlotteCarrendar

844

Re: (RP) Social Media

June 20, 2014 09:33PM

Muriel’s apartment

To say Muriel would be worried or even mildly concerned about Maxwell was a big ask, considering the fact she had moved on and found a new toy boy for her more outrageous fetishes. Little did Felicity realize that the very root of Maxwell’s problems was the woman she was now messaging.

In her apartment, she had her latest submissive tied and kneeling near the fire place, as she finished lacing up her leather bodice. She looked a right sight, with a black lace mask covering much of her face, and her hair wild and teased out to the full. Bright cherry lipstick adorned her aging lips and she looked like something from a twisted version of a mature dominatrix catalog for the perverted.

Smirking to herself as her current colt was whimpering through his ball gag, she heard her cell phone chime merrily. Picking it up, she listened to Felicity on the other end. The poor wretch had finally been sent to rehab. She gave a small shrug and a twisted expression of indifference before sending a message back.

~Voice message~

“Let’s hope he doesn’t end up like Lindsay and be splashed about the tabloids., but I am sure you will be there with the scoop. Chow darling.”

She tossed the phone onto her bed and then started to stalk her latest victim.

“You’ve been a bad boy.”

Fade to black…

<3>

 

A new sensation is watching the old music clips without the music.  This is a hell of a lot funnier than the original.  Enjoy! :)

Rain

Chapter Seventeen

Falling

Writers
CharlotteCarrendar
IceTe3a

CharlotteCarrendar: – The morning brought with it a new beginning for everyone in the underground bunker of Adam. Throughout the night, Rain had snuggled into Adam’s form and for once she actually slept soundly. Hard to believe one might imagine from the rocky start that they had just weeks before. As the sun was now rising and by the sounds of things Eve was already up and about exploring her laboratory, Rain would start to stir. Opening her eyes slowly, she could make out the room that she and Adam had shared. She started to stretch and let out a quiet yawn, before sitting up and rubbing her eyes. Looking down she actually smiled at Adam. Again, another first. ”Good morning.” She said, again another yawn following. ”I think I can hear Eve just outside the door. Or is that her techno pup?’ <3>

IceTe3a: – It was early morning the sun must have been slowly rising by now, the slight sound of the life support system that was in each room of this bunker was buzzing as it flowed out a cooling air, replicating the chill of a cold summers morning. The life system was fully automatic and changed its temperature throughout the day, it also pumped in higher levels of oxygen into the air allowing the body to be worked more; this entire bunker was one fully functioning training ground. He felt Rain rubbing up against his skin as she slowly started to wake up, her movements were slow at first as he felt her sit up. Opening his eyelids slowly he looked up from laying on his back to see a smiling Rain as she said good morning to him, “Morning” he replied back, he was going to say sorry for the cruel trick he did last night but thought better to not bring it up. Sitting up he stretched his arms with a slight yawn, it was morning and he had made sure today was their RDO. He still wanted them to familiarize themselves with the place and have a relaxing day before getting back into the worlds issues. It was easy to forget about the real world this far out in the country, no one ever came out this far and Zen had no interest with farmland so there were never any patrols as it was a waste of resources to them. Sliding out of bed he was stock naked from her utilizing him to pleasure herself, all in all he didn’t really mind that she did that; it was bound to happen sooner or later so no apology was needed. “Coffee?” he was asking a question to Rain and giving an order to the room as a low beep tone was heard and the boiling of a jug. An automated coffee machine was hard at work brewing up a fresh batch of coffee, when done it would pour the strong black liquid into a large jug that was set in front of it near the counter. His bare feet padded against the floor as he made his way towards the shower “Coming? “ he suggested as he walked into the bathroom, reaching in he turned on the rooftop shower, it started spraying out hot water from the ceiling. This type of shower was much better as it sprayed out a wider birth, the water was hot but not that hot that it burned the skin, slowly the room started to fill up with steam as he stepped in the shower and raised his face upwards allowing the water to hit his face and run down his body.

CharlotteCarrendar: – It was a totally different environment, with everything electronically controlled. From the very air that they were breathing; to the coffee that was now brewing, simply by a voice command from Adam. This was going to take some getting used to. What was also different was how Rain and Adam were interacting with each other. There was no talk of what had happened the night before. Her attempts to dominate him from using him as a sex toy more or less; and his cruel joke with the amplified sound of a storm – the one thing that truly terrorized Rain above anything else. Hearing Adam say “Coffee”, Rain nodded and slid out of bed, standing on the floor in bare feet. She only had on her lace smalls, and watched Adam get up – still naked from the antics of the night before. Rain couldn’t help but watch him enter the bathroom where he asked if she was going to have a shower. No longer feeling self conscious around him, she took off her bra and then dropped her panties to the floor, before heading off after him and stepping into the large shower cubicle. Rain held her hand out to the water spray, and then she walked beneath it – letting it spray its hot jets over her naked form. Her eyes closed, she let her face go right under and felt the warm sting of the shower spray. It was actually invigorating and refreshing. Bringing her face down, she reached for a bar of soap and started to lather her body over, all the while sneaking peeks at Adam’s wet physique. She wasn’t game to say anything, but he would be able to know what she was thinking from the mind link. Rain definitely found him attractive. <3>

IceTea: He heard her step into the shower as it was big enough for both of them to be in there. Turning his head slightly he watched as she came in under the water, the water dripping down her naked form; it was weird that this is the closest they have been near each other without one of them threatening to kill the other, but it hardly bothered him. He preferred shower gel as he rubbed the foamy gel substance all over his body, scrubbing it in good to wash away any blood and dirt he may have on his form. Slowly the water rinsed off his body as he turned to face her, he looked her up and down a few times as he watched her shower. He wasn’t one for being subtle nor did he hide it, he was more to the point and blunt as he didn’t worry about being caught looking at her he simply smiled and started to rinse off his hair. “ Find what you’re looking for? “ he chuckled as he let his fingers run through his hair he watched as she grabbed the soap and started to rub her body down “ Just watch what you’re grabbing “ he said in a cheeky manor as he raised his head up to the ceiling and closed his eyes allowing the showers water to run down his face and body once more.

CharlotteCarrendar:- Rain was busy washing herself down with the soap, when she looked up only to find Adam was now facing her. With water streaming down his head and face, then his torso her eyes kept going lower before snapping back up when he asked her if she had found what she was looking for. Oh, the meaning behind that could be taken two ways. Course, he had to add to it. “ Just watch what you’re grabbing “ This brought something of a nervous laugh from Rain, who set the soap back up on the soap dish and said in a saucy way. ”You’ll be the first to know if I do.” The tension between them – well, for Rain was building. Getting as hot as the very water she was bathing in. She knew the night before had been about a battle of wills – about dominance. This feeling however had nothing to do with being dominant or being right. She was seeing Adam completely differently, and she was yet to fully accept it. Rain rinsed her hair and the applied shampoo and started to rub it into her scalp, her arms raised over her head – her exposed breasts now awash with soapy water and bubbles. It was hard to not look at Adam, especially like this. <3>

IceTea: He smirked at her answer and chuckled as he leaned against the shower wall, folding his arms in he continued to watch her shower as he arched a brow whilst looking at her breasts, they bounced about as she moved her arms up and down scrubbing shampoo into her hair. She was still standoffish towards him, he had accepted what she thought he was, equipment and it didn’t bother him now as accepting it seemed to make life easier for both of them. With accepting it there was also a mutual respect almost, he chuckled and slapped her bare ass playfully [b} “You do that “ [/b] he replied as he grabbed the sudsy bottle of shampoo and started to pour it on top of his head, dropping the bottle he applied his fingers and ran them through his hair, soaking in the shampoo. He watched her from behind, just wondering how comfortable she was around him, she showed last night she had no issue using him as her sex toy, and he honestly had no issue, sex was sex in the end of it. But just how comfortable was she, as she thought of him as equipment she obviously wasn’t shy around him. He came in behind her standing close as he waited for her arms to drop down, a smirk on his face just to test her, “ grabbed everything you need? “ he waited for her response.

CharlotteCarrendar: – Rain felt him fall in behind her as she had just lathered up her hair. A playful smack to her backside had her jump slightly, and she felt around for the wall and where to stand to get under the water spray to rinse the shampoo not only from her hair but from her eyes. Blinking the water away, she swept her wet hair back with her hand only to hear him ask if she had grabbed everything she needed. Was he testing her? She had already shown that she was no longer shy around him, and had gone as far to use him for her own gratification. She had yet to take down the conditioner bottle and pour some in her hand to use on her hair. So she answered him, honestly. ”Not yet…why? Do you think I should?” Now she turned to face him, and you could see already by the rise and fall of her chest, that she was getting aroused by this game they were playing. She started to wonder. Was she still a dead root to him? She stopped talking, looking up at him as the water sprayed the back of her head and back. <3>

IceTea: He heard her padding around the shower as she turned around to face him, he looked down for a moment as she asked if she should he chuckled and shrugged “you know where everything is, grab what you need to use in your shower, sponge is here somewhere I believe” oh he was playing a game with her, his twists of words would have her thinking that’s for sure, but he wanted to see if her once off last night was a one night thing or if she had full intentions on utilizing him anytime she pleased for whatever she pleased, this is where he got curious and wanted to see if she would step up to her words. Rinsing off the shampoo out of his hair, his fingers dragged through his hair as he smiled; raising his face up once more into the spray of the water. The shower room was fully covered with steam as it was hard to see in here now, even being this close it was getting hard to make out what was where.

CharlotteCarrendar:- The rising steam was making it hard for either to see. The glass was fogging up and the water temperature was rising, or was that simply Rain. Adam was now teasing her, that was for sure. Tempting with such things as there was many things easily in reach…all she had to do was grab them and…use them. Was this cruel in a way? Perhaps. Rain’s eyes darted for the sponge, then the conditioner bottle. But she then felt herself looking back at him. He was smiling at her, the water having rinsed his hair clean. Last night, something changed between them. She couldn’t take back how she felt, though it had not been expressed verbally. She opened her mouth to say something, and then let everything fly to the wind as she pushed him to the wall of the shower, and reached for the back of his head, to pull his face down to hers so she could actually kiss him. It would be shocking to say the least. Her pent up desires spilling over like a flood. Last night wasn’t one off, and it was not about using him. This was different. He would hear the unmistakable moan leave the corner of her lips, as she kissed him hungrily – drawing their bodies together. <3>

IceTe3a: -He watched her as she looked from the sponge to him, suddenly he found himself pushed against the wall as his back pressed up against the cold tiles she brought his head down and forced a kiss on to him. He smirked against her lips and then returned her kiss with one of passion, his fingers press into her back gently as they run down her soft skin and find their place on each ass cheek, pushing her in closer to him as he pulled back with a smirk. “Got everything you need now, to shower with? Are you planning to use me as your sponge? “ he smirked as their bodies rubbed up against each other, the change between the two was immediate and completely opposite to what they started out as, they were basically enemies towards each other. But these days he was completely hers, claimed by her in all ways. He could see the upside to being her equipment; it could be fun to say the least. It was still early morning, so they had ample time to mess about before the day had to start, but it was a day for relaxing that was what he had said last night to them both.

CharlotteCarrendar: – The pair had definitely done a 180 when it came to how they were with each other. From practically trying to kill the other; to now sharing affections in the shower of his underground bunker. The heat of the water had nothing on what this pair could reach, as Rain let go her inhibitions and went wild with her ministrations. ”I need more than a sponge.” she said breathlessly, as she leapt upon him and then rode him till he would be pushing her back onto the shower. His response fuelled her own desires, as he returned her kisses with the same level of passion that she gave out. Soon her wild cries would fill the room and she would scream his name for the very first time. Rain would clutch him tight as she felt her body tense from the intense sensations he brought her. <3>

IceTea: She suddenly jumped up on top of him, he caught her as her legs wrapped around his waist, his arms supporting her up as she rode him. She started moaning in response to him, she even cried out his name as he leaned in and kisses her neck his lips rubbing up against her soft skin, they were both under the shower as he held her up. She would have to go harder than that to force him down, he could handle her movements for the moment as his body tensed on hers he smirked as he whispered in her ear. “ I Enjoyed last night, I can see the bonus of being your sex toy” he then leaned in and nipped her earlobe as he felt her body pushing against his.

CharlotteCarrendar:- To hear Adam say that he enjoyed last night was a reward in itself. He cheekily told her that he could see the bonus in being her sex toy, and she could see this as being a very good part of their growing friendship. The way he made her feel, by his own touching – kissing and rubbing her only made her feel completely whole as a woman. The nip on the earlobe sent a shock through her and she was clearly seeing this as more than just play. Was she falling for him? It wasn’t unheard of for adversaries to suddenly find a mutual attraction. ”Just so long as you are my sex toy, then I think this is going to be enjoyable for both of us.” The water continued to spray them while she kissed his neck in a show of affection. She knew she would have to get out of the shower soon, but for now she wanted to enjoy this new found feeling for Adam. <3>

IceTea: Her smirked as she said as long as he’s only a sex toy and nothing more, he knew that she felt more or at least that’s what her body was telling him. She kissed him with affection as he smiled and ran his hand through her hair clearing up her face he kissed her back with the same gentle passion before placing her down on her feet, they had spent quite awhile in the shower. “You know where to find me when you need me “ he smirked and gave her one more look up and down before walking out of the shower and finding a pair of jeans. Putting the jeans on he didn’t care that he was wet, his body would dry itself sooner or later. He walked over to the jug of coffee and poured two mugs full, adding a little milk and some sugar he left hers on the bench and took his in hand, as he lit a smoke and took a sip of his coffee. “Eve will want to see the farmland today, you should come. he smirked at his invitation for her to join them.

CharlotteCarrendar:- Being left in the shower, Rain cleaned herself thoroughly before stepping out and grabbing a towel. Adam was already dressed in jeans (wet mind you) and making coffee while she dried herself down. The idea of seeing the farm for the first time in the daylight was actually something she wanted to do. No need to worry about the world and its dramas today at least. For once she felt excited about spending the day with Adam. Even with Eve tagging along. ”Sure, I’ll get dressed and have this coffee while you find Eve.” This was so unusual. There was no angry retorts or hollow threats being issued by the pair. They were getting on, and it felt good. Going to a closet, she managed to find a shirt and jeans, and went to put them on as she could smell the aroma of the freshly brewed coffee. Once dressed, she headed over to the counter and took up the coffee cup in her hands, cradling it as she blew on the hot liquid. <3>

IceTe3a: – He watched her get dressed as he smiled, sipping his coffee and taking a drag from his cigarette he arched a brow as she said for him to find her, he realized he had not shown her the coms in the room yet. “Coms Active – Room two Eve, get ready we are heading out to see the farm in 10 minutes, meet us at the front door to the cabin” the coms then turned off as he turned to look at her smirking, she was enjoying her coffee. He walked over to his walk in wardrobe and put on a buttoned flannel red with black strip shirt, he didn’t bother buttoning up the shirt as he reached in behind the clothing and pulled out a simple .308 rifle with a scope and a few rounds. Walking back out to where Rain was he shouldered the rifle “No need for big guns on here, it’s just for the wild animals “ he smirked and nodded for her to follow him through the door, holding the door open for her he would wait until she went through and follow her out closing it behind him.

CharlotteCarrendar: – Placing her cup in the sink and washing it out, Rain turned to see that Adam was sporting a .308 rifle with scope and was holding the door open for her as he said there was no need for big guns on the property. Smirking, Rain swaggered out the door in her country look jeans and shirt, only to see Eve standing there, still dressed in what looked to be lab gear. ”Good morning Rain…Adam.” She spoke with a friendly tone and looked pleased that they were about to go up to the farm, where Eve would get to enjoy seeing the animals that lived on the farm. Truth be told she had been up a few hours and had waited silently for the pair to be ready. Eve walked to the front door and then waited for Adam to activate it and let them out into the sunshine. <3>

IceTe3a: – He looked out as he noticed Eve was standing there, closing the door behind him as Rain walked out he smiled “Morning Eve, ready to see the animals? “ he smiled as they walked to the front door, it swung open and they climbed up the stairs to the wooden cabin on top. He walked over to the front door and swung it open as the sun’s rays beamed in, it was a beautiful day with blue skies and a gentle breeze you could hear the animals already roaming about doing their daily life. “So there’s sheep, cows, deer, birds, horses and a few dogs around here somewhere. “ he smirked as he stepped out onto the grass, walking around the side of the cabin something they wouldn’t have seen last night was the horse stables where he kept the riding gear and the horses usually spent their days around it in the shade. He walked over there leaving the two girls behind to have a look around as he placed his rifle down leaning against the wall and started to prepare three of the horses for riding, he looked on the ground and found his black cowboy hat, picking it up he didn’t bother dusting it off as he placed it on his head. After a few moments the horses were ready, leading the horses over to the girls he smirked as he watched Eve, who would have never seen a horse before “This one’s yours eve “ he chuckled as he handed over the reigns to eve, her horse was a female brown mare she was more calm than the other two young horses which is perfect for Eve who was a first time rider, handing over the reigns to Rain he nodded to her “That one’s yours, she’s a bit wild much like yourself “ he smirked at his own cheeky comment, he knew Eve would want to examine the horse and touch it for awhile so he walked over to Rain’s horse and offered a shoulder to step up onto so she could get onto the horse as he kneeled down onto the ground.

CharlotteCarrenar:- The sun streamed down and the true beauty of the farm became more apparent as Rain and Eve walked out into the light of day and could see, smell and hear the very animals that lived on the property. Rain stuffed her fingers in her pockets as she walked forwards, and kicked a small rock along – taking it all in. Eve on the other hand was simply astounded. You could see her head darting left and right. The unusual sounds of the animals left her wanting to learn as much as possible about each and every one. ”Horses?” Rain inquired, definitely finding something new to smile about. She hadn’t ridden properly since she was a kid and it was one of her favourite pastimes. Adam had left the girls momentarily as he went to get the horses and get them saddled up to ride, while Eve was running her hand over the tall grasses from one of the nearby paddocks. Seeing Adam come back wearing a black cowboy hat, Rain smirked and said.”I always knew you were the type to wear a black hat.” Like he was one of the cattle rustlers from the old western movies. Taking the reigns of the horse he had provided for her, Rain then used his Adam’s shoulder to help her mount her horse, which she did so easily. Rain looked like she was born in the saddle, as she leaned forward and patted the horse’s neck. The horse was said to be wild like her. That had to be tested, that was for sure. ”Think you can keep up with me, Adam?’ Rain teased. In the background, Eve was studying the horse. She didn’t know how to ride, let alone mount one. She just stood there, stroking its head and smiling. ”Nice horse.” Adam was going to have to help her get up on it by the looks of things. <3>

IceTea: He felt Rain step on his shoulder and up on to the horse, looking up as she had asked if he could keep up he smirked “Oh, I think the real question is how long can you last” he gave her a wink and was distracted when he heard Eve’s voice calling the horse a nice horse, he peered around Rain’s horse and saw Eve standing there patting the horse, he shook his head and chuckled lightly. “Eve… you sit on top of the horse and ride it. “ he walked over behind Eve, and wrapped his hands around her waist, with ease he picked her off the ground and swung her on top of the horse. Putting the reigns in her hands and her boots in the stirrups, coming to a stand he looked up at her “ Use the reigns to guide the horse in the direction you want to go, give it a light tap with your foot to get it to move and pull on the reigns to slow it down, simple “ he chuckled walking over to his own horse he mounted up and kicked its sides lightly as the horse moved forward, he lead them towards the middle of the property they started to pass by sheep and cattle that were grazing on the tall grass, slowly he was leading them to a fresh water river that was teeming with life, he used to go down there every now and then to fish, he even left his fishing gear down there. Looking around it was a beautiful day “So, this is my own peace of heaven, I work off the land and train downstairs. What you think? “ he chuckled lightly.

CharlotteCarrendar: – Rain actually turned slightly in her saddle, and watched how Adam had to help Eve onto her horse. It was like watching how one would place a doll on a horse. She simply had no idea how to ride, or even how to sit properly. It was all so very new to Eve and the wonderment kept shining through with her unusual green eyes. ”Tap with my foot to go and pull reigns to stop. Okay.” She took the advice like it was cooking instructions. When Adam came back past Rain to get on his own horse, Rain leaned forward and said. ”She has no clue, does she?” Truer words never having been said. Soon however they were off and the girls followed along behind Adam, Rain keeping up better than Eve, whose horse was pretty docile and slow. At one point Rain gave her horse a bit more than a tap and galloped ahead of Adam. He would be able to see her ass bouncing in the saddle as she rode past him, her hair swept back by the breeze. She pulled on the reigns and rounded back to the stream which was teeming with life. It really was such a beautiful setting. ”I can imagine living here all my life and never growing tired of it.” Rain said, as Eve came up behind her slowly on her horse.”Where are the deer, Adam?” Eve was keen to see a live deer, like the deer head in the cabin. <3>

IceTe3a: – He watched as Rain came galloping past, he smirked as he watched her ass bouncing up and down, as she rounded back to meet them at the stream he got off the horse and sat down near the stream “ Don’t worry about tying the horses up, they’ll stay close and graze “ he heard Eve ask about the Deer and he smiled as he glanced across the river“ There they are, they’ll come over soon, they’re quite curious creatures once they are used to us. he chuckled as he knew the other girls would soon join him, he placed the Rifle on the ground near him as he laid down on his back and looked up at the sky watching as birds flew past. He sighed slightly in relief as he pulled out a cigarette and started to smoke it, sure enough the Deer started to cross the river and come closer to them, He had fed the deer before on a number of occasions so they were used to human contact, he was sure they wouldn’t mind being petted by Eve. As he watched the deer’s slowly coming closer he chuckled “ See, here they are joining us “ he wondered if Rain would get excited about the deer as well, perhaps she hadn’t seen one for a while or never seen one before.

CharlotteCarrendar: – Rain alighted from her horse easily, then gave it a friendly pat so that it could wander nearby and graze, which it did. Eve…on the other hand was a little out of sorts on how to get off. First, her right foot got stuck and then she seemed to forget to hold onto the reigns a bit longer. Basically she fell from the horse, spooking it just enough to give a little kick before it ambled to join the others. Sitting up with a bit of leaf litter in her hair, Eve said. ”No harm done. I’m fine.” Which sounded rather comical when you saw the state of her. Since she was now sitting, it was perfect for the deer had been crossing the stream obviously hopeful for a feed. Rain crouched down near Adam and held her hand out as one nibbled along her open palm, only to pull its head back sharply due to there being no food there. ”Aren’t they sweet?”Rain said, drawing her knees up as she sat herself down and then rested her chin on the tops of her knees. Eve was a little more noisy, trying to pat the skittish creatures, that kept coming over then leaping away. It was pretty clear that Eve had a lot to learn on how to be and handle animals. <3>

IceTea: He watched as Rain sat down near him and started to pat one of the deer’s saying how sweet they are he smirked and looked up at her as he laid there “They can be, in the right Pasta sauce “ chuckling lightly as he glanced over at eve, who had fallen off her horse and was acting way to fast for the deer to get comfortable he sighed “Eve.. Slow your movements down, no need to rush or be nervous just.. act natural they’ll stay and let you pet them if you do” it was shaping up to be a nice day as he knew it would be drawing to a end way to soon. “I’ll cook us up something for dinner when we get back, and we can talk business over dinner. he looks at Rain and then at the deer “What you reakon invite the deer over for dinner? “ he chuckled again as he yawned slightly and started to relax more, Eve on the other hand was still moving around to fast. He glanced over at the horses who were happily grazing on the fresh grass around the stream, it was way to peaceful here. “I’ve thought about just living out here.. and never returning to civilization, just.. starting fresh ya know? “ it was a possible thing to do out this far, as no one came out here but he had promises he needed to keep and Rain wanted to find her father so he would have to wait to retire.

CharlotteCarrendar:- Adam really was a tease when he mentioned that the deer were really sweet in the right pasta sauce. Rain coughed loudly at the very idea, while in the background, Eve was up and around, trying to pat the deer. Now, Adam could see she was way too fast in her bid to get to know them, but of course in her excitement and curiosity, Eve was like a child at her first trip to the zoo. Her inquisitive programming meant that she simply could not stop chasing them as she was gathering as much information as she could. With Rain sitting down next to Adam, the background scene behind them was amusing to say the least. Rain was trying to hold a normal conversation for once, as the sound of excited squeals, feet treading through leaf litter, and the call of the deer making for quite a din. One deer did come close to Rain, and Adam asked if they should invite it for dinner…literally. Rain smirked as it got spooked away by the child like Eve in behind them. ”That is if you can contain Miss Adventurous behind us.” Coming back to what Adam was saying about wanting to just live out here and not return to civilization; had Rain have a sombre thought. Out there, somewhere was her father. She still had not given up hope of finding him. ”I’d like to just stop and let the world go on in a place like this. But…I won’t feel fulfilled till I find him.” Surely he knew what she meant by this. <3>

IceTea: He watched Eve race around chasing after the deers as she tried to catch them, she really was sheltered. He smiled as he glanced over to Rain, listening to what she had to say, he could understand where she was coming from; glancing at eve he wondered how she would react to him shooting a deer. “ Well I suppose we best find him first so I can retire in peace here, perhaps you and your father could join me” he chuckled as he came to a stand and picked up his .308 “Eve, time to go. he was going to shoot a deer but best thought not to in front of Eve as she was very emotional at times. Turning to face Rain he smiled again as he tilted his cowboy hat “Come on then “ he said smiling as he walked over and helped Eve up onto her horse “You’ll get used to the farm life Eve “ he chuckled and walked over to Rain’s horse and waited for her to come over so he could give her a hand.

CharlotteCarrendar:- The deer were scattering thanks to Eve’s constant attention. You did have to wonder just how she would react to one being shot for dinner. That was something that had even Rain concerned. ”She really is sheltered.” Of course she was. All she knew was the insides of the Zen compound and of course she learnt everything via the computers and the internet. To physically experience the great outdoors and wild animals like this was all too real. Rain came to stand and brushed off the leaf litter from her backside, as she watched Adam graciously place Eve back on her horse. Her wide eyed excitement had not yet abated. ”Already?’ Her response to Adam having said it was time to go. Clearly she was enjoying the outing immensely. Rain mounted her own horse with the help of Adam, and turned it around to head back. ”Should I lead Eve back while you….you know?’ She meant about him killing a deer and diverting Eve from that so she wouldn’t get all upset. <3>

IceTe3a: – He chuckled as Rain suggested she distract Eve whilst he killed a deer, shaking his head he smirked as he mounted his horse and rode close to her “Already got bambi in the freezer he whispered so only she could hear. Forcing the horse to walk towards their home he nodded and smiled “Yes Eve, once you get used to the outdoors you can come out as often as you want, but for now let’s get you two acquainted with your new home” with that they rode off in a gallop, he purposely rode close to Eve’s horse to force it to gallop as Eve wouldn’t know how to make her horse gallop, it didn’t take them long to get back to the cabin as he smirked and dismounted “You two go inside and downstairs I’ll put the horses away.” he waited for them to dismount before he took the horses and led them around to their open stables. Taking off the riding gear from the horses he hosed them down with cooling water and pulled out a big stack of fresh hay for them to chew on. “Good girls “ he smiled as he casually jogged over to the cabin and downstairs to meet the girls

CharlotteCarrendar: – Riding back at a speed that Eve had not done before made her look and sound funny as Adam kept abreast of her on the ride back. Rain held back a certain distance, knowing it was not good to ride too close in behind. She had had the most wonderful day out on the farm, and really wanted to see more, but Adam wanted them all better acquainted in the house. Besides, as he had whispered that he had Bambi in the freezer, there was no need for him to kill one of the wild deer that Eve had been chasing around. Pulling up hard as she rode in towards the house, Rain dismounted and handed Adam her horses reigns, as she waited for Eve to be helped off her horse. Given the go ahead to go inside, Rain had to practically take Eve’s arm and lead her in, since she was starting to get excited about the chickens.”You can chase those tomorrow, Eve.” Rain said with a chuckle, as Eve pouted, but then did as she was told and went inside with Rain. Back down in the bunker, Rain went to get a drink of fresh water from the kitchen, while Eve went back to exploring the large lab. Taking a sip of water from a glass, she then noticed Eve watching Rain. Rain looked about herself, wondering if she had mud on her or something on her face. ”What?’ Rain asked of Eve. Eve feigned innocence and then said. ”You love him, don’t you?” <3>

IceTe3a: – With the horses all packed up he walked into the cabin and shut the door behind him, they won’t be going out for the rest of the day not at this moment anyway. Walking down the stairs he wondered where they had gotten off to, where they out exploring the bunker? He walked over towards the armory trying to find them as he listened for their voices. Finally reaching the armory he looked around, nowhere in sight. He wasn’t about to go on a wild goose chase so instead he flicked his sight to Thermal imagery and surely enough he picked out their location, over in the labs of course he should have guessed. Walking casually over towards the labs it took him a while but he finally made it, walking in he glanced at the two of them “So eve, like the labs? he smiled and looked around with a nod on his face, he had no clue what half the shit in here did, they just looked… labby that was his word for it basically if it looked like it should be in a science lab he put it in here. “So what were you two on about whilst I was away” stretching his arms a bit he knew he would need maintenance and to update his software soon, but he wasn’t about to tell the girls this, both Rain and Eve could do the job and the last thing he wanted to get into was those two working on him that just be weird and he knew if they found out he needed it that they wouldn’t take no for an answer, so he decided to stop stretching and lean against a counter, glancing over at Rain he forgot she could read his thoughts and was rather hoping she didn’t hear what he was just thinking and he slowly started to back up a little bit while rubbing the back of his head.

CharlotteCarrendar:- It was the most unusual thing when Adam entered the lab area, and Eve had just asked Rain the 64 thousand dollar question – if she loved Adam. Rain’s cheeks blushed so fierce, and she actually had to turn away and place down the glass on the table, when confronted by Adam. Eve, was more than happy to explain how she loved the lab, and that it had everything she needed to work on. Including Adam himself. Now, Rain could mind link Adam easily, and as soon as she twigged that he needed to do maintenance and update his soft ware, her instincts told her to do it. She wanted to do it. Rain felt this need to, but then Eve looked at Rain again and said. ”Well, do you?” Course this was back at her earlier question. Rain, was afraid to admit it. She immediately got on the defensive. ”We were just discussing…uhm…” Eve then looked at Adam and smiled. ”She’s shy.” No kidding. To deflect the situation, Rain blurted out loud. ”Adam needs maintenance, Eve. Care to…help him out.” She hated asking, but under the circumstances she felt it was better this way, than openly admit her feelings. Eve beamed at being asked. ”Sure. Adam? May I?” <3>

IceTe3a: He arched a brow as he watched the pair, they were discussing something earlier and Eve just asked if she did, did what exactly? “Well does she what? he looked at Rain and then Eve ,confused slightly he had stopped backing off. Suddenly Rain blurted out that he needed maintenance and software updates he turned to her slowly as his jaw dropped slightly “You snitch! he said in a playful manner but then Eve just asked if she could and she looked happy he scratched the back of his head and grunted slightly “No no, I prefer to do my own maintenance anyway, I can handle it. Thank you though Eve. he glanced over at Rain giving her a look as he sighed at hoping he just escaped that one, he knew fully well his self maintenance skills were poor at best as he wasn’t to good with software updates or maintaining high tech equipment, he was designed to kill after all. Hoping that would be the end of it as Eve wouldn’t be the type to force something on him, and Rain looked like she didn’t want to do it anyway he seemed to be in the clear. “So.. shall we continue looking at the place? he was hoping to distract them or at the very least change the subject.

CharlotteCarrendar: – Adam playfully called Rain a snitch. Sure, she was too, but she had done it out of fear that her true feelings would be exposed. She tried hard to bury them deep, but it was now getting harder too. Eve didn’t have the same ability to mind link like Rain did, so she had no idea what was really going on between the pair. She accepted Adam’s decline for help with his updating and maintenance, though Rain knew better. Quietly she sent her own message to Adam as she fell in behind them while they toured the Lab with an animated Eve. ~I will help you later with the updates~ She stole a glance at Adam and then pretended to be interested in one of the computers as Eve continued to lead Adam through. Later on, when they were alone it was pretty clear that they were probably going to talk. Was he ready to hear the truth? <3>

IceTea: He walked around the lab as they looked at all the equipment with a smile, he heard her in his mind stating she was going to help him later. ~ No thanks, that was a rejection to both of you. I’m still funny about other people doing maintenance and updating my software~ and it was true he felt weird about it even if it did make his systems work a lot better, the only way he would get on that operating table in front of those two is if it was forced, he smirked slightly as he knew Rain may try that. Coming to a big screen with computers and tvs around it in the lab he knew exactly what that was for. “ Here is your Com’s station if ever we’re out on the field you can reach us through this, help us out with intel and scouting and so forth, step up Eve you’re a part of a team now “ he smirked as he knew she would enjoy being the teams medic and lead scientist, she was defiantly a valuable member of the team that was for sure. He could feel his arms getting stiff whilst moving he needed to ditch them two so he could do his own maintenance/ “Soo you two can do what you please, I’m just going to go do something for awhile catch up later yeah? “ even though everything that would be needed to make him run like the day he was built was in this lab he didn’t need any of it to do a bodgey maintenance job on himself, as he turned on his feet slowly and casually he started to head for the door.

CharlotteCarrendar: – Now, regardless of the fact that Adam had just declined both women to help him with maintenance, seeing him acting slow and then trying to make something of an escape after showcasing the lab’s comms started off something of a competition between Rain and Eve. He just rejected Rain mentally, and Eve frowned as she watched Adam move to the door. ”You need help, Adam. Let me help you.” At this, suddenly Rain sprang forward. ”No..no, its okay, I got this.” Eve then raised her voice. ”You said I could help him.” Rain immediately replied. ”Yes…but that was just so you would shut up.” Oh ,now the cat was coming out of the bag, and Eve started for Adam. She crossed the floor staring at Rain. ”Should I just tell him?” This brought an angered growl from Rain…like Eve was suddenly on her turf.”You wouldn’t!” Then Rain ran for Adam and tried to block his path at the door. ”Please let me update you.” Eve then said what Rain had feared. ”She is in love with you Adam.” <3>

IceTea: Than it all started, first Eve asked again and then Rain insisted and it went on like this for awhile then the two started at each other. He was almost at the door when Rain blocked it off, he glanced at the two and sighed as he shook his head. Eve than stated Rain was in love with him and he chuckled slightly as he turned to Eve “Her? In love with me? You can’t love something that’s not human “ he had just quoted something Rain had said awhile back chuckling again slightly as he didn’t know what to do with these two girls bickering “ Now as for you two.. Neither of you is helping me. I’ll do it myself, I’m quite capable. That’s enough about that from the both of you, you two stay here and learn to work together no more fighting between you two, got it? “ he sighed slightly as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, hoping they would start to learn to work together instead of this fighting, when did they start fighting? He couldn’t remember but hopefully it would stop soon, turning to face Rain he arched a brow and nodded his head to the side “Move “ it was a request more than anything.

CharlotteCarrendar: – Rain knew he was making a request, but already her feelings were hurt that Eve had blurted out the obvious. Reminding her that he was a machine, but she had started to see so much more than that now. Adam wanted them to leave him be and let him fix himself, but she knew that she could do a far better job at it. ”Move” He said the simple word and for a moment she was caught between doing what he asked, and doing what she wanted to do. She had had such a wonderful day with him, and now she was staring at the reality that they might lose that special moment they had. Eve went quiet in behind them. Adam had made the call and Eve did as she was told, but Rain was another matter entirely. Normally, Rain would just take control. She had no qualms with it before. But now she hesitated. Finally she brought her hand up close to the pressure plates on the side of his head and in a whisper she asked. ”Please?” This was the first time she ever asked. Would he push her hand away? <3>

IceTe3a: – He stood there waiting as she continued to block the way, he looked down at her waiting. She was looking up at him with a slightly worried face, the fact she hadn’t forced herself on him yet was surprising to him. Usually she would just press his pads and do what was necessary, her hands slipped on either side of him and he was waiting for her to press the pads but her fingertips just hovered there. She simply stated “Please” as it was another request to allow her to help, but her fingertips were just near his pads ready to take control over him at any given notice with a sigh he shrugged. “I don’t have a choice in the matter anyway “ with that he turned around and walked over to the operating table taking his shirt off he placed it on the table nearby. Sitting on the operating table he slid his legs up and laid there on his back in silence as he waited for them to start doing maintenance and updating his software.

The most amazing thing about blogging I have found, is just how far around the world my blog has been read.  Seriously, some of the countries, I have never even heard of before.  To everyone that has read Charlotte’s web and visit regularly; a big big THANK YOU!

Here is a list of the countries and a sample of view hits.  (I was shocked)

Country	Views
United States	29,754
United Kingdom	4,533
Australia	3,708
Canada	3,117
Germany	2,309
France	2,101
India	963
Brazil	734
Italy	664
Netherlands	588
Philippines	543
Spain	477
Poland	475
Turkey	392
Russian Federation	390
Sweden	369
Mexico	330
Greece	323
Saudi Arabia	317
Republic of Korea	315
New Zealand	315
South Africa	309
Indonesia	293
Ireland	285
Malaysia	279
Japan	278
United Arab Emirates	271
Belgium	270
Singapore	264
Romania	260
Pakistan	259
Czech Republic	230
Hungary	225
Norway	217
Switzerland	198
Portugal	178
Argentina	161
Finland	155
Thailand	154
Egypt	152
Ukraine	150
Bulgaria	148
Israel	147
Denmark	142
Algeria	138
Serbia	138
Slovakia	130
Austria	124
Croatia	110
Taiwan	94
Jordan	87
Chile	85
Hong Kong	84
Lithuania	81
Morocco	80
Viet Nam	78
Tunisia	76
Colombia	76
Georgia	69
Peru	66
Puerto Rico	61
Lebanon	59
Iraq	59
Venezuela	59
Slovenia	58
Kuwait	54
Bosnia and Herzegovina	48
Bangladesh	44
Kenya	38
Latvia	38
Ecuador	37
Bahrain	36
Qatar	35
Macedonia, the Former Yugoslav Republic	32
Trinidad and Tobago	31
Sri Lanka	30
Azerbaijan	29
Costa Rica	29
Libya	27
Jamaica	25
Yemen	25
Albania	24
Nigeria	24
Montenegro	23
Oman	23
Moldova	23
Cyprus	22
Palestine, State of	21
Estonia	20
Mauritius	19
Iceland	18
Syrian Arab Republic	17
Jersey	17
Brunei Darussalam	17
Nepal	15
Belarus	13
Armenia	13
China	13
Panama	11
Luxembourg	11
Guatemala	10
Malta	10
El Salvador	9
Bahamas	9
Maldives	9
Kazakhstan	9
Suriname	9
Paraguay	9
Uruguay	9
United Republic of Tanzania	9
Cayman Islands	9
Mongolia	8
Barbados	8
Honduras	8
Ghana	8
Uganda	8
Zimbabwe	8
Ethiopia	8
Namibia	7
Bolivia	7
Isle of Man	7
Afghanistan	7
Myanmar	6
Sudan	6
Cambodia	5
Botswana	5
Mozambique	5
Belize	5
Dominican Republic	5
Vanuatu	4
Bermuda	4
Guam	4
New Caledonia	4
French Polynesia	4
Nicaragua	4
Saint Lucia	4
Antigua and Barbuda	4
Virgin Islands	3
Lesotho	3
Seychelles	3
Faroe Islands	3
Guyana	3
Senegal	3
Cape Verde	3
Guadeloupe	3
Haiti	3
Saint Vincent and the Grenadines	2
Tonga	2
Grenada	2
Angola	2
French Guiana	2
Papua New Guinea	2
Réunion	2
Northern Mariana Islands	1
Somalia	1
Kyrgyzstan	1
Liechtenstein	1
Swaziland	1
Guinea	1
Zambia	1
Guernsey	1
American Samoa	1
Fiji	1
Malawi	1
Saint Kitts and Nevis	1
Andorra	1
Gibraltar	1
Lao People’s Democratic Republic	1
Côte d’Ivoire	1
Macao	1
Bhutan	1
Mali	1
Democratic Republic of the Congo	1

Demonstrating true Australian sarcasm and self-depreciating humor that I know you all get.

No offence is intended to anyone so even if your nationality is targeted in these jokes (as Australians are clearly targeted as well ). I am an Australian and therefore I reserve the right to enjoy sarcastic asshole humor at times :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors.

They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

———–

Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).

We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

- – -

Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

- – -

I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the rail-road tracks (Sweden)?

Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

- – -

Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

What did your last slave die of?

- – -

Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not (have hippos) … oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

- – -

Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

- – -

Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

- – -

Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)

Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is … oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

- – -

Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

You are a British politician, right?

- – -

Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

- – -

Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

( ie you are so stupid…please feel free to handle all our deadly wildlife >:)

- – -

I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

(ah the eternally effective yet mythical dropbear. I actually DID get asked about these once. I was kind enough to tell the fearful tourists that despite rumors, they are actually very real bwahahha… )
- – -

I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

- – -

Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

Yes, gay night clubs.

- – -

Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

Only at Christmas.

- – -

I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)

Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

- – -

Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

Now some typical Aussie humor care of Austen Tayshus.

This is the second song release from his new album in just two days.  An amazing parody and take off of Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke.  Probably the best parody he has done since White and Nerdy.  <3 Enjoy.